On International Women's Day let's ponder on why we feel so alone, guilty and have self-doubt. How to fix it.
Why do we women overthink? Well, it's simple really. We have super-powered brains that can process a million thoughts at once. It's like having a never-ending to-do list in our heads, except besides tasks, it's all the things we think we're failing at.
Maybe because you haven't lost any weight this month, or because your partner doesn't seem to listen to you, or because your mother-in-law keeps making snide remarks, or maybe because of all the things that happened to you in the past. Maybe because you don't get appreciated at work. Or because your life isn't turning the way you want it to be.
Over thinking sucks:
You know what's the problem with overthinking? It's like trying to dig a hole with a teaspoon - it's exhausting, and you don't get very far. Sure, you might think you're getting to the deepest, truest meanings of your life, but really, you're just swirling around in a vortex of negativity.
Instead of giving you clarity and insight into your past or solutions to your problems, overthinking just leaves you feeling defeated, immobilized, and demoralized. It's like a downward spiral of anxiety-provoking thoughts that just keep dragging you down.
And in those moments, you feel why can't you get over it? It could be because of distorted lens effect.
Distorted lens effect:
Well, let me tell you, it's like putting on a pair of wacky, distorted lenses that make all your troubles look ten times worse than they really are. You end up fixating on all the negative possibilities, instead of seeing the situation from a more positive angle.
It's like trying to solve a puzzle with all the wrong pieces - you're not going to get very far! And let's be real, nobody wants to feel stuck and held back from making progress. So, why not adjust our focus and shift your gaze towards a healthier perspective?
I've got a list of 13 things that will help you break free from that pesky overthinking and let your true self shine like the superstar you are!
First thing, first
1) Stop trying to please everyone:
You can't please everyone, so don't drain on things that don't need your immediate attention. Instead, focus on doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. By doing so you'll be better equipped to give your best to the people and activities that truly matter to you.
Example:
Lisa said "no" to an invitation that doesn't align with her needs. She sets boundaries with her colleague who unnecessarily demands her time in the middle of the work.
2) Learn to let go of things outside your control:
Don't waste your energy stressing about things that are beyond your control - that's like trying to swim upstream in a river. Instead, focus on what you can control - your thoughts, your actions, your reactions.
Example:
Let's say you're stuck in traffic and running late for an appointment. You start to feel anxious and stressed, but then you remind yourself that the traffic is out of your control. Instead of continuing to worry, you take a deep breath and turn on some calming music. You arrive a little late, but you're able to maintain your composure and enjoy the rest of your day, knowing that you did your best in the circumstances. By letting go of what's beyond your control, you're able to focus on what you can control and make the most of any situation.
3) Don't dwell on mistakes - learn from them and move on:
Instead of dwelling on mistakes and beating yourself up, let's learn from them and keep moving.
Example:
Neena forgot an important deadline at work or said something she regretted to a friend. She acknowledged the mistake, figured out what she can do to make it right, and then focused on the present moment.
4) Let yourself feel, then keep it real, then move on from pain:
It is easy it is to get caught up in overthinking and see things through a distorted lens. But here's a little tip: feel your pain and then move on. Try to shift your focus to a healthier perspective on your situation.
Example:
When Sheena's friend criticized her, she could have taken it personally and got all upset. But instead, she chose to view her friend's grouchiness as stemming from his impending divorce. What a great way to move past the negativity and not let it get her down!
5) Look for simple reason first:
The solution to your distress sometimes can be quite simple. Look for the simple reasons first.
Example:
Clara was feeling tempted to shout, but then she realized that the reason for her distress was simply because she was sleep deprived.
So, if you're feeling overwhelmed or upset, try to look for a simple reason first. It might just be something as basic you need!
6) Stop comparing yourself:
Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling through your Facebook or Instagram feed, only to feel a little down in the dumps afterwards? Maybe you start comparing your life to your friend's perfect vacation or your crush's adorable birthday celebration for their partner, and suddenly your own life seems a little lackluster in comparison.
Those carefully curated social media posts don't always tell the whole story. It's easy to get caught up in the highlight reel of someone else's life, but our journey is just as valid and valuable as anyone else's. Take a deep breath and try not to judge based on what you see. You're doing great, and there's no need to compare yourself to anyone else. Just keep being your fabulous self!
Example:
Nia used to compare herself to her neighbor and feel bad they had a nicer car, house and garden. But then she realized that this wasn't fair to herself and stopped comparing.
It's a great way to free yourself from the burden of comparison and focus on your own journey.
7) Stop waiting to be rescued:
When we get stuck in a situation, we often seek someone else to rescue us. But instead of waiting for others to change your situation, accept and change it yourself.
Anya instead of waiting for the right partner to improve her financial situation, she took control of her own life and started building her career to improve her financial situation.
It's a great way to empower yourself and take charge of your own life. So don't wait to be rescued - be your own hero and take action to change your situation.
8) Let them flow:
When faced with a problem, it's easy to get stuck in negative thoughts and emotions. But here's a little tip: ask your brain to give you solutions and let your ideas flow.
Example:
Anya asked her brain to give her solutions and started working on different ways to make more money. She even took classes in the evening and on weekends to improve her skills.
By letting her ideas flow, Anya was able to come up with creative solutions to her problem.
9) Connect with Your Higher Self:
Raising your sights and connecting with your higher self means trusting your inner wisdom and intuition. It means believing that you have the strength and ability to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals.
Know that you are capable:
Believe in yourself, because you're more capable than you think! Knowing your own strengths and abilities is key to overcoming challenges and achieving your dreams.
Example:
If you're nervous about starting a new job, remind yourself of past successes and how you've handled difficult situations before.
This will help you build confidence in your abilities and face any obstacles with a positive mindset. Remember, you've got this!
10) Just do something:
When you're faced with a problem or a goal you want to achieve, don't get overwhelmed by all the work that needs to be done. Instead, start by taking small actions each day. Go with it and start taking action on solutions, no matter how small they may be.
Example:
Nia wanted to get in better shape but didn't have the motivation to start a big workout routine. So, she started by going out for a walk, even if it was just for 10 minutes a day.
It may seem like a small step, but it's a great way to get started and build momentum towards your goals.
11) Lower your expectations:
When we see others behaving in ways that don't align with our values and expectations, we feel frustrated. However, it's important to recognize that everyone has their own beliefs, experiences, and priorities. By lowering your expectations, you can avoid feeling let down when others don't meet your expectations.
Example:
Let's say you value punctuality, but your friend is always running late. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, you could lower your expectations and simply accept that punctuality may not be as important to them as it is to you.
This way, you can avoid unnecessary stress and focus on enjoying your time with your friend.
12) Forgive and move on:
Holding onto grudges and resentments can be emotionally draining and prevent you from moving forward. Instead of dwelling on the offenses of others, try to forgive them and focus on the present moment. This doesn't mean you have to condone their actions or forget what happened, but it means choosing to let go of negative feelings and moving on.
Example:
If someone hurt you in the past, instead of obsessing over what they did, you could try to forgive them and focus on what you can do to move forward. This way, you can free up your mental and emotional energy and focus on living your life to the fullest.
13) Change your mindset:
Let's say you're struggling to maintain a regular exercise routine. You might find yourself making excuses like "I'm too busy" or "I'm just not a fitness person." But instead of letting these negative thoughts hold you back, try flipping the script.
Example:
Tell yourself "I have time for exercise, and it's important to prioritize my health" or "I may not be a fitness expert, but I can start small and work my way up to bigger goals." By shifting your mindset and focusing on positive affirmations, you can start to see exercise as a worthwhile and achievable goal, rather than an intimidating hurdle. This can apply to any area of life where you want to make a change.
Conclusion:
The problem with overthinking is that it doesn't uncover the deepest and truest meanings and realities of your life. It doesn't give you clarity and insight into your past or solutions to your problems. Instead, it pollutes your thinking with negativity to the point where you are defeated before you begin, immobilized and demoralized, you sink deeper and deeper into anxiety provoking thoughts.
You know what? Maybe it's time we give ourselves a break. We can't always be perfect. Things can't be perfect. Instead of dwelling on all the negative stuff. Let's focus on what we've accomplished, how far we've come and what is in our control.
And if we need a little help, let's reach out to our friends, family, or even a therapist. Because sometimes, it takes a little outside perspective to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
At the end of the day, we all deserve a little self-love and compassion.
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