"Give yourself a chance to move on and be happy!" A voice shrieked in my head. Drinking in the aroma of the place, the coffee, the music, and the cool fresh breeze, I felt better sitting in the cafe.
This place made me believe that I am in a caring society. After all, we are all born to need a sense of others, even if we are alone. It is terrible for the higher brain to know that we are solitary.
Being in this cafe, among the noises of people, their scent, their occasional glances and the chatter of the baristas, gave my primitive brain a little of what it craves.
I’m here on a friend’s recommendation to meet a guy. I know how hard she is trying to set me up, how hard she's trying to take me out of my shattered self, how hard is she trying to help me mend my broken heart and go back to find love.
However, this isn’t the first time I step out to meet someone; I've met people through online dating and several other means, but nothing clicked. Every time I sat in front of my date, my mind falls back into my seemingly unforgettable past.
Lingering questions knocked my head from my past heartbreak: Why did he dump me? What went wrong? How do I fix it? How do I get him back? How to ruin his life the way he did mine?
Meanwhile, the person in front of me grows bored. Then I go back to my room and sulk some more.
I didn't expect a different outcome today either.
Then I saw him, and my thoughts changed. Was he the one? I gazed his 5'11 frame, olive skin, dark hair as he stood before me. His dark brown eyes flitted back and forth between us, melting their way into mine as he pulled out a chair in front and sat down.
A therapist by profession, his persona was strikingly captivating.
"It seems your pushed yourself hard to come on this date," with a relaxed face, he stated.
"Sorry, I'm just feeling like being a bit of a fuss pot today." I muttered.
I see a spark glow in his eyes, as he uttered, "That's alright, I don't mind a dazzling fuss pot."
I laughed, surprising myself.
"Thanks for accepting my fuss-pot-ism. I needed that," I grinned.
Like basking in the warm sun or spending time in my cozy blanket during the winter, I felt at ease in his company. My slouching torso turned straight and conversation started flowing smoothly. I'd never felt this comfortable for a long time.
Suddenly I wanted him to like me. Of course I have all that it takes to be wanted; a successful career, a striking personality and caring attitude. But the only thing that was stopping me was my self-doubt that had crept in me after my breakup. I started questioning my sense of self, my worthiness. Self-doubt had enveloped me, making me question everything I have.
“What’s bothering you?” He questioned.
“Are you a mind reader or something?” I replied back, surprised at how quickly he had realized something was off.
He grinned. “I’m an experienced person. In my profession I need to understand things which are left unsaid."
"So what is unsaid here?"
"From my guess, you are trying to relate your past with present. You seem to be jumbled up and unable to untie the knot. "
I couldn’t utter a word. He was right! That was what I have been doing all this time. Comparing, relating, and thinking about my past. Was it really that obvious?
"You’re scary," I chuckled. "Who wants to be read like a book? Are you a therapist or a mind reader? Whatever it is? Are you going to charge for your mind reading service or is it complimentary with the date?"
We both giggled.
"Complimentary this time, if you agree for the next meeting." he teased, winking.
"Are you sure you're interested in the next meeting?"
"Yes, if you agree to declutter."
"What clutter?" I asked, looking around my side of the table.
"The one that you hold inside your head."
What did he mean? Should I be offended?
"Where will you keep a beautiful piece of furniture when you have no room left from the junk you're holding?
Remove that clutter. Leave the past behind. Your past doesn’t define who you are. See yourself the way you want to be seen. Once you've figured that out, give me a call. I’ll be waiting for you.
"Or you can help me declutter. It won't take long with you there."
His grin grew bigger than ever, taking mine along with it. I suddenly felt like how I'd wanted to feel for a long, long time; happy and content.
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