You're Not "Too Much"—You Just Haven’t Been Taught How to Regulate Emotions

Why do my emotions make me say and do things I regret? Why do I get overwhelmed so easily?

You know what’s annoying?

Hearing, over and over again: "You’re too emotional."

As if having emotions is some kind of flaw—something to be hidden, muted, or erased. As if you’re walking around with an illegal stash of feelings you forgot to declare at airport security.

And after a while, you start wondering: "Why do my emotions make me say and do things I regret? Why do I get overwhelmed so easily? Why can’t I just be calm like everyone else?"

Then, you meet someone who handles everything with Zen-master levels of composure. Unshaken. Sorted. Clear-headed. In control. Saying things, doings things without letting emotions get in their way. When they come across a difficult situation: They respond with a diplomatic nod, sipping their coffee.

Question pops in your head: "How? How do they do that? What do they know that I don’t?"

I used to be the person who panicked at the slightest crisis. Smallest issue felt as if the world is crashing down. I made impulsive decisions. I reacted before thinking. Say things and regretted later. Then, I watched someone handle the same situation with ease. They weren’t cold. They weren’t detached. But they didn’t let their emotions overpower them.

What I didn’t know was this: I wasn’t too emotional. I had just never been taught how to regulate my emotions.

The Problem Isn’t Emotion—It’s Lack of Emotional Regulation

That’s the secret I had to learn, emotional regulation. Yes, the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy way.

A healthy way means handling emotions without flipping out, without hurting yourself or others, and without getting swallowed whole by feelings so big they block your ability to think straight.

With no emotional awareness and regulation, you just stumble through life, trying to keep it together while stress, anxiety, bad decisions, pile up, taking a toll on your mental health.

Basically, emotional regulation is the secret to not losing your mind over every little thing. Emotional intelligence and regulation are such a fundamental skill. Honestly, why aren’t we taught this stuff early on?

Even as kids we were told: You’re too sensitive, too reactive, and too emotional.

• " Stop crying. Be strong.” (Implied: Suppress everything until it explodes at an inconvenient moment.)

• “Don’t take things so personally.” (Implied: Doubt your own feelings at all times.)

• “Stay professional.” (Implied: Emotion = weakness, so shove it down!)

Irony is people reward emotional regulation, but no one ever handed us the tools to actually do it. Let’s take high-stakes environments.

Tough negotiations.

Difficult clients.

Workplace conflict.

Pressure-cooker decision-making.

Now in these times everyone turns around and expects us to:

✔ Stay calm under pressure.

✔ Handle criticism like a pro.

✔ Make rational decisions even when everything is on fire.

Then we start to believe that emotion is a problem that we need to mute ourselves to be taken seriously.

Here’s the thing—your emotions aren’t the problem. You’re not too much. You just haven’t been taught how to regulate it yet. Not knowing what to do with emotions, that’s the issue.

✔ Feeling deeply isn’t a weakness.

✔ Being sensitive doesn’t make you fragile.

✔ Having big emotions doesn’t mean you’re “too much.”

The Secret Emotionally Regulated People Know

Learning this secret of knowing your emotions and handling it gives you the superpower to more effective, less reactive. And that’s why the most respected leaders and professionals aren’t the ones who avoid emotions. They’re the ones who understand, regulate, and use them wisely.

If you’ve ever struggled to manage emotions, it’s not your fault. The good news is you can learn this skill too. You can train yourself to handle high-pressure situations without losing your cool.

How to Regulate (Instead of Suppress) Your Emotions

1-Name the Emotion—Don’t Let It Control You

The brain treats unnamed emotions as a threat. The moment you name them; they lose their power. Next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself: Am I frustrated? Overloaded? Disrespected? What’s the real trigger here? Because “life sucks” is not a useful diagnosis.

2- Create Space before Reacting

Your first reaction is often not your best reaction. Before responding to criticism, pause. Before sending that emotionally charged email, wait. Before quitting your job because your coworker got promotion, breathe. A few seconds of space can be the difference between regret and a power move.

3-Regulate Your Nervous System (The Fastest Fix)

Stress isn’t just mental—it’s biological. Here’s how to reset your body instantly:

Box Breathing: 

Inhale 4s, hold 4s, exhale 4s, and hold 4s. Repeat.

Movement: Stand up, stretch, pace dramatically if necessary.

Grounding: Place your hands on a cold surface or grip a solid object. Sometimes, your nervous system just needs to chill.

4- Reframe Your Narrative

If your first instinct is: “I’m too emotional for this job.

” “I need to toughen up.”

 “I should just keep quiet.”

Replace it with:

“I feel deeply, and that’s an asset.”

“Emotional intelligence makes me a stronger leader.”

“Regulation isn’t about shutting down—it’s about showing up wisely.”

The next time someone tells you “You’re too much,” remind yourself:

• You are not too much.

• You do not need to “fix” yourself.

• You just need to learn what you were never taught.

Your emotions they were never the problem. Not knowing how to regulate them was. And once you learn this. You won’t just be in control. You’ll be unstoppable.

If this post resonated with you, drop a comment on how you handle emotions under pressure, like if you relate, and share this with someone who needs to hear it.